Category: Tweets

She was prepared the for the table of squirrel butts, but nothing could prepare her for what happened next. https://t.co/EeSXlINVt4

How 196 lines of C code won an Academy Award https://t.co/gOqBiqNUYD

Though I follow a ton of comedians on Twitter, it still manages to be a dark, stormy place swarming with earwigs and asbestos dust storms.

On a lighter note, my life post-Trump will be spent the same as pre-Trump: trying to be less neurotic and more generous.

As the only qualification needed for becoming POTUS is knowing how to make a successful TV show, I nominate @joss for 2020.

Snacking strategy: make sure you having something quick to nibble on while you wait for your microwave pizza to cook.

They say drowning is a horrible way to die. But what about drowning in olive oil?

Errors in my past will not haunt me. 'git commit –amend' https://t.co/Cc9SLn58ti

😂😂😂 https://t.co/GX40lOv6T1

My waitress went "mmm" after I ordered like I did a really good job ordering and I felt so cool and then I heard her do it to everyone else

Sexual pervert Anthony Weiner has zero business holding public office.

If Trump thought being a reality show star gave him licence to grab women's genitalia, what will being president allow him to do?

Calls to ban Muslims from entering the U.S. are offensive and unconstitutional.

if anything, 2016 has proven that, as far as existential threats go, artificial intelligence is far less exigent than natural stupidity.